The Crazy News Guy

Posts Tagged ‘US Military’

WMD found in Iraq!

In Uncategorized on March 12, 2008 at 1:42 am

A Weapon of Mass Destruction has been found in Iraq, its fukin Chuck Norris, that’s what.

The fly kicking superstar of Walker Texas Ranger and Missing in Action and intended Mike Huckabee US Secretary of Defence has become a icon of the Iraq War for US service men and women.

With a lack of desire for bad news from the Iraq conflict by the American public, our friends at Reuters news decided to visit a cardboard shrine for Chuck at a helicopter landing base.

The actor has visited Iraq several times and was made an honorary Marine last year. Some 20 U.S. military personnel and support staff spoken to by Reuters could recite at least one Norris “fact”, despite many having not visited the Web site.

U.S. troops in Iraq say his support for them and Norris’ invincible image has made him their idol and insist the exaggerated and satirical claims are not meant to mock him.

“The jokes all add to his legend. They’re not derogatory. He’s an icon,” said Sergeant Joe Lindsay at a base in Falluja in Iraq’s Western Anbar province, which Norris has visited.


Bearded and muscled, Norris shot to fame fighting kung fu legend Bruce Lee in the 1972 film The Way of the Dragon, and later films show him devastating groups of men with one kick.

“Norris visited Iraq when violence was its worst and other celebrities were skittish. He’s one of the guys,” U.S. military public affairs officer Specialist Mark Braden said in Baghdad.

“The Marines love him. He’s like a mythical legend,” Staff Sergeant Amy Forsythe in Falluja said.

Other Chuck Norris facts thanks to

  • Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.
  • Chuck Norris wasn’t born with feet, just boots.
  • Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
  • When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
  • Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
  • Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
  • Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
  • Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
  • Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself.  The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
  • Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
  • Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.
  • Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn