The Crazy News Guy

Archive for the ‘condom’ Category

It’s Coming:”Firmer, bigger, longer!” Revolutionary condom arouses market investors looking for the next big thing.

In 2007, adult, Business, condom, CSD500, CSD500 Condom, Futura Medical, health, sex, sex industry, Sex Inustry, Sex Partners, Sexual Health, technology, UK, Uncategorized, World on August 10, 2007 at 2:59 am

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Yeah baby!

Watch out ladies, err and ah gents, amid all the current stock market turmoil and uncertainty, shares in British condom maker Futura Medical have ballooned to new heights with expectations the company’s new CSD500 condom will revolutionise the male sexual experience, media reports.

How exciting!

“I am delighted by these highly statistically significant study results, which give us confidence that the CSD500 product will gain marketing approval and, once launched, be a commercial success,” the chief executive, James Barder, said.

A statement on the company web site details how the revolutionary condom will work, touting an amazing Viagra like ability to allow for maximum pleasure for both sexual partners. Human trials on 108 healthy couples recently came to a climax.

The new product will “incorporate an erectogenic compound to help men maintain a full erection during intercourse…a pharmacological dose contained within the teat of the condom will be delivered to the penis.

“This will result in increased local blood flow which in turn should lead to improved rigidity, tumescence and duration of an erection.”

The “pharmacological dose” they speak of is a chemical compound called glyceryl trinitrate, otherwise known as nitroglycerin, a chemical most famous for its use in explosives. Yes, explosives.

Talk about more bang for your buck!

It is used in other medical products, primarily for its ability to widen blood vessels.

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Shares did a roaring trade after the announcement,  skyrocketing 14.5 percent, just shy of a whopping 60 British pounds. Oh behave!

“We expect to get regulatory EU approval later this year and then it is a question of launching the product soon after, so the revenues are really going to hit us in 2008,” the CEO of the company moaned.

Market research had shown that “up to 80 percent of existing condom users would be interested in trying the product and, more importantly, 49 percent of non-condom users would be interested in using it as it will help them maintain an erection.” Yeah, baby!

The amazing new condom will be marketed by SSL International under the Durex brand.

I just can’t wait, till 2008! There’s nothing like increased blood flow, nothing!

Right ladies?

Right!

I’m sure all the man loving ladies of England will be happy with this product, especially if TV comedy Family Guy’s version of high class British porn rings true….

Well done, indeed!

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Crazy Weekend: World’s Biggest Condom?, Mile High Fun, A Fishy Tale & A Shark Frenzy

In 2007, adult, adult industry, Air travel, amazing story, ancient, animals, celebrity, condom, Crazy news, England, entertainment, europe, health, Holland, hottie, Humour, indonesia, Italy, Life, natural world, Netherlands, Odd News, sex, Sex Parters, Society, The Crazy News, UK, Uncategorized, Weird News, wild animals, World News, Worlds most on July 30, 2007 at 8:05 pm

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World’s Biggest Condom?

  The Weekend that was…

The mysteries of the ocean, the lust and oddities of the sky feature in this edition of…..

The Crazy News: Quick Quotes.

UK

“We got chatting and it went a bit further. And it was every man’s dream, to be honest.”

Entrepreneur and Virgin boss Richard Branson on his joining of the ‘mile high club’ at the ripe old age of 19.

Indonesia

“It was an enormous fish. It had phosphorescent green eyes and legs. If I had pulled it up during the night, I would have been afraid and I would have thrown it back in.”

Indonesian fisherman Justinus Lahama on his astonishing catch of a rare coelacanth fish. Oceanic scientists want him to reconstruct his lucky haul so they can understand the species that is at least 360 million years old and was once thought to have become extinct with the dinosaurs.

Holland

“This is a playful way of asking for attention to the problem of sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and AIDS.”

The director of Dutch Health Services explains the motivation behind a giant condom shaped hot air balloon drifting lazily across the sky at a music/motor cross festival in Lichtenvoorde.

UK

“It was horrifying. If I’d have known it was a great white at the time I would have panicked.”

A British woman shocked to have caught a Great White Shark on film in British waters. The British media are now in a ‘Jaws frenzy’.

Italy

“The people were offloaded because they failed to comply with safety instructions when the aircraft was taxiing. Two passengers stood up and refused to sit down.”

A spokesperson explains why three Qatari princesses were kicked off a flight from Milan after they refused to sit next to male passengers they did not know.

For the record it wasn’t a Virgin flight….

“I knew that giant condom would come in handy….”


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Wanted: Condom Testers. Best job in the world?

In 2007, adult, adult industry, amazing story, Art, comedy, condom, condom tester, crazy, Crazy news, entertainment, health, hottie, Humour, Life, love, mens health, naked, nudists, Odd News, party, People, science, sex, sex industry, Society, stunt, sydney, X rated on July 6, 2007 at 3:33 am

    G’day baby!

Sick of the usual 9-5 working day?

How about a job as a condom tester?

And the only catch is that you need to have regual sex. That couldn’t be so hard, could it?

The Australian arm of British condom company Durex is on the prowl for males to help them test their new range of protection.

Local marketing manager Sam White said any Australian over the age of 18 could apply for one of 200 positions as a condom tester.

Unfortunately the position is not paid, but successful applicants will receive a free $60 selection of Durex products and will be required to provide the company with honest feedback about the products’ performance.

One of the lucky 200 testers will win a $1000 bonus.

Applicants must explain why they would make an expert condom tester, Mr White said.

“With this job on your CV, it really will be a chance to brag to your mates about the special skills you possess, not to mention that your new role will work wonders with the opposite sex,” he said.

“Who wouldn’t want to have a chance with an actual authorised professional?”

“We see this tester position as a great opportunity to get deeper, more penetrating feedback from our customers.”

Anyone interested in the offer can apply online by visiting the Durex Australia website.

This gets me thinking…

 I’m an Australian! Maybe I should apply, although I am in need of a sex partner, due to recent lady troubles. (You don’t believe me do you?)

Any takers?


 
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