The Crazy News Guy

Crazy Quotes Mega Edition!

In 2007, News, Odd News, The Crazy News, Uncategorized, World on August 23, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Crazy me up like crazy! We spin, spin, spin the globe….

earth2.jpg

And let’s have another edition of…

The Crazy News: Quick Quotes.

This spiky little bloke’s sex life may lead to clues about human evolution…

Germany

“Eventually she ended up stuck in a grave and couldn’t get out, so we had to pull her out.”

Police in the town of Mitterteich speak to media after a woman who went to pay her respects to a dead relative, drove across a cemetery drunk, smashing up headstones and tombs before she ground to a halt in someone’s open grave. Police estimated the total damage to graves and the 53-year-old’s car at around 18,000 euros (US$24,000).

Australia

“We are really focussing on trying to find out more about the sex life of the echidnas”

A scientist from the University of Adelaide is looking for volunteers to observe the spiky little egg laying mammal’s sexual adventures. The findings of the Echidna study will be used to improve captive breeding programs and could also enhance information about human evolution.

USA

“Another female. It wasn’t me.”

Michigan forensic scientist Ann Chamberlain testifies to a court about what she found when she tested her husband’s underwear for DNA using police resources. She was fired for using department supplies, materials and equipment for non-departmental purposes.

Egypt

“Curse of the Pharaohs”

That’s what a German man believed had occurred to his stepfather after he stole several pharaonic carvings in Egypt some time back. Over a number of years after stealing the ancient carvings, the stepfather was stuck down by inexplicable fatigue, fever, paralysis and cancer followed by death. The stolen carvings were handed to the Egyptian embassy in Berlin before being flown back to Cairo.

Russia

“It was monstrously painful…I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

A wounded man tells reporters in Moscow about the experience of having his ex-wife set his penis on fire. It was not known exactly how this occurred, but apparently he was drunk on vodka and watching TV when it happened. Hot rod!

Nepal

“We detained five Badi men and eight Badi women as they tried to strip off their clothes during a demonstration”

Protesters outside the national parliament in Kathmandu take drastic measures in order to get their message across about the issue of the decades old practice of child prostitution. They were members of the poor Badi community who are one of the most disadvantaged groups in the country. For generations, many have been forced into the sex trade because of a lack of other options.

Japan

“The machine isn’t that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it.”

A spokeswoman from a Japanese arcade company explains the reasons behind the recall of 100 arm wrestling machines. Three players broke their arms while wrestling with the machine’s mechanized appendage. Weaklings.

New Zealand

“There were queues of 15 to 20 people at any one time for a good six hours from about 10pm until 4am…it was a backpacker bonanza.”

A Queenstown taxi driver tells police about a automatic cash machine that was handing out double the requested money. A dim witted bank worker stacked the machine with the wrong notes, with $20 notes in the $10 box and vice versa. Most people cashing in were overseas travellers taking advantage of the areas ski resorts. Some have all the luck.

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  1. “Another female. It wasn’t me.”

    PWNT!!!!

    Try explaining yourself out of that one. “Honey, she just put my underwear on by mistake. I swear.”

  2. Scientists voyeur watching the spikies, what a shame!!! Poor animals, they can’t have privacy. LOL

  3. Yeah, poor guys. Who wants to be “studied” while having sex, honestly?
    The nerve of some scientists, I tell you.
    Oh well. At least it will teach them for being the 2nd last species of Monotremes.
    Dam evolutionary anomalies!

  4. …i think i evolved from these Echidna’s…. at least my hair.
    hey, i wanna be studied…..i”ll do it.
    and i’ll try the Peni on fire thang too….
    i’m freeeek’n bored!!!

    Awesome finds amigo!! ~julian

  5. You know I need an echidna. We have this big ant problem in the bathroom and they keep falling off the ceiling into the bathtub. There’s ants all around outside this big tree as well and that’s why they are getting to the house.
    So besides studying their sex habits for human evolution they make great anteaters

  6. I guess having your penis set on fire is a bit better than having it cut off by your wife after getting drunk

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